How to Set Healthy Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty
- Dr. Jade Thomas
- Aug 19
- 2 min read
Written by: Dr. Jade Thomas, HCPC Reg. Psychologist & CEO of Luxe Psychology Practice
Setting boundaries is one of the most important skills for protecting your mental wellbeing. Yet for many people, it’s also one of the hardest. Saying no, asking for space, or voicing your needs can trigger feelings of guilt — as though you’re letting others down or being “selfish.” The truth is healthy boundaries are not selfish, they’re essential for emotional balance, strong relationships, and overall wellbeing.
Why Boundaries Matter
Boundaries are the limits you set to protect your time, energy, and emotional wellbeing. They define what’s acceptable for you and how you’d like to be treated. Without boundaries, you may feel drained, resentful, or even burned out.
Healthy boundaries help you:
Protect your emotional health
Prioritise your needs alongside others
Reduce stress and overwhelm
Build stronger, more respectful relationships
Why We Feel Guilty About Boundaries
Guilt often arises from deeply held beliefs:
“I should always be available.”
“Saying no makes me difficult or unkind.”
“Other people’s needs matter more than mine.”
These beliefs can leave you stretched too thin. But guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong — it often means you’re breaking an old habit of over-giving or being overly available.
Practical Tips for Setting Boundaries Without Guilt
1. Start Small
Practice with low-stakes situations. For example, if you’re exhausted, decline a social event politely. Building confidence with small “no’s” makes it easier when bigger challenges arise.
2. Use “I” Statements
Communicate your needs clearly and kindly. For example:
“I can’t take this on right now, but I appreciate you asking.”
“I need some time to recharge this evening.”
3. Reframe the Guilt
Instead of seeing boundaries as selfish, remind yourself: you’re protecting your wellbeing so you can show up as your best self for others.
4. Stay Consistent
Boundaries only work if they’re respected consistently. At first, others may push back, but with time they’ll adjust to your new limits.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
It’s normal to feel uneasy at first. Remind yourself that guilt is just a passing feeling — not a sign you’re doing harm.
Remember: Boundaries Build Healthier Connections
Healthy boundaries don’t push people away. They create space for more genuine, respectful, and balanced relationships. By setting limits, you’re teaching others how to treat you and showing them that your wellbeing matters.
If you find yourself struggling with guilt or people-pleasing, therapy can provide the tools and support to help you set boundaries confidently.
✨ At Luxe Psychology Practice, we help clients develop healthier boundaries, strengthen self-esteem, and feel more in control of their lives. If you’d like to explore how therapy could support you, get in touch with us today.